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Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues
You do not need your partner in the room to work on your relationship. Individual therapy for relationship difficulty is a substantial part of what we do, at our Dupont Circle and Bethesda offices or online. Sessions are 50 minutes, $250 to $450, seven days a week including evenings until 9pm.
When your partner will not come
This is the most common reason people book this kind of session. You have raised counseling; they have said no. Sometimes flatly, sometimes by agreeing and never making the appointment.
The refusal usually has a reason behind it. Some people expect to be blamed for an hour. Some believe therapy is for people who cannot cope. Some have tried it before and found it useless. Almost none of those reasons respond to being pushed.
Pressuring a reluctant partner into the room rarely helps and often backfires. They arrive defended, the session confirms what they feared, and the idea is dead for years. If you have been trying to persuade them and it is not working, stopping the campaign is often the first useful move.
That leaves working on your side of it, which is more effective than most people expect.
Why working alone changes a two-person pattern
A relationship pattern needs both people to keep running. You each have a move, and the moves trigger each other — one pursues, one withdraws, and both feel they are responding rather than starting.
Change one side and the pattern cannot continue in the same shape. It is not a trick or a way of managing someone. It is simply that a two-person loop needs two people, and you only control one of them.
What we work on
Your part in the cycle
Not fault, and not a list of your failings. The specific things you do when you feel unheard, dismissed or afraid of losing them — and where those responses were learned, which is usually long before this relationship.
Attachment patterns
Anxious patterns push for reassurance in ways that create distance. Avoidant patterns experience closeness as pressure and withdraw. Most couples are some combination, and both are workable rather than fixed. This is common work at our Bethesda office.
Saying the difficult thing
Many people know exactly what needs saying and cannot find a version that does not start a fight. We practice it, out loud, until it is usable at home.
Whether to stay
Sometimes the honest question is not how to fix it but whether to continue. That deserves a clear-headed process rather than another year of not deciding, and we will not steer you toward a predetermined answer.
What individual work cannot do
Worth saying plainly, because plenty of sites will not.
It cannot make someone treat you well. If there is abuse, coercion or control in the relationship, individual therapy is not a route to changing your partner’s behavior, and a good therapist will say so early rather than working around it.
It also cannot replace couples work when both of you are willing. If your partner would come, couples counseling will usually get you further and faster.
How we work
Our approach here draws on Internal Family Systems. Rather than treating your reaction as the problem, IFS asks what it is protecting — the part of you that shuts down, or pushes, or goes quiet and stores it up. Keith Miller is a Certified Level III IFS therapist with advanced IFIO training, the IFS approach to couples work.
Where the difficulty traces back to something earlier, we use EMDR. Where the pattern is mostly about communication, the work is more practical and skills-based. We match the method to what is actually happening.
Who you would see
Kerri Bicskei, LPC works with high-achieving people whose relationships suffer from overthinking and self-pressure, blending IFS, EMDR and mindfulness. Full profile.
Goli Bellinger, LICSW, LCSW-C specializes in Relationship Enhancement and is particularly skilled with couples and individuals in acute crisis. Full profile.
Call the referral coordinator on extension 0 and say what is going on, and we will match you. You can also see the full team.
Where we are
We see clients at 1320 19th Street NW in Dupont Circle, opposite the Metro, and at 4300 Montgomery Avenue in Bethesda, with evenings until 9pm and weekend appointments. Video sessions are available with the same counselors, which many people prefer when they would rather their partner not know yet.
Fees and insurance
Sessions are $250 to $450 for 50 minutes depending on the counselor, with a free phone consultation first. We do not bill insurance directly, though clients who submit their own out-of-network claims commonly recover 40–60% of the cost. See our full policies and fees.
Frequently asked questions
Is this the same as couples counseling?
No. Couples counseling works with both of you in the room on the pattern between you. This is individual work on your side of that pattern, and it is what we recommend when your partner will not attend or you would rather start on your own.
Will my partner find out?
Not from us. What you say is confidential, with the narrow legal exceptions every therapist has. Whether and when you tell them is your decision, and it is worth thinking about in session rather than on the spot.
Can my partner join later?
Yes, and it happens often. Sometimes seeing a real change is more persuasive than any amount of asking. If they do come, we will usually suggest a different counselor for the couples work so nobody feels the therapist is already on one side.
What if I am not sure I want to stay?
That is a legitimate reason to come. Discernment work is about reaching a clear decision rather than staying stuck in the not-deciding, which is usually the most exhausting place to be.
How long does it take?
Focused work on a specific pattern often runs a few months of weekly sessions. Longer-standing patterns take longer. We will tell you at the outset what looks realistic.
Getting started
Call or text
Reach us on 202-629-1949 and ask for the referral coordinator on extension 0, or use the enquiry form.
Free phone consultation
Tell us what is happening and when you can meet. No cost, no commitment.
Matched to a counselor
We match you to whoever fits, then book your first 50-minute session.