What would you give to protect your marriage? Do you know the specific tools you need to protect it?  

Nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce; Surprisingly, the first few years of marriage present the highest risk. No couple expects to be getting a divorce when they walk down the aisle on wedding day. But marriage is subject to social pressures that can strain even the strongest bonds.  Your success as a couple depends on being able to identify what "tools" you use now, eliminating those that are weak, and replacing them with the best tools available to help you achieve TRUE success.

The Washington, DC metropolitan area has one of the nation’s highest rates of divorce and extra-marital affairs. Falling in love is easy, but it takes significant energy, applied correctly, to give your marriage the fuel it needs to last a whole lifetime. (For more on this read the article Divorce: Pay Now or Pay Later.)  

In the golden light at the dawn of our marriage, we usually tell ourselves that we are aiming for a successful, happy, and long-lasting relationship. Without noticing, we can spend so much time aiming for success that we fail to identify the target that we hope to hit! I help engaged or pre-engaged couples think about the trajectory of their relationship, and provides them with time-tested tools for staying on the course toward the marriage of their dreams.

If your relationship is not under stress right now, you may want to come in for a set number marriage preparation sessions. In four sessions you can make sure you have practice in areas where many couples struggle. We will focus first on the skills of safe communication. This alone can provide a noticeable difference in how you interact together, even if you get along wonderfully now. You may be asked to do 1-2 hours of work outside the session, including exercises done individually and together. The time and effort you spend in and out of these sessions will immeasurably benefit your marriage and can help prevent relationship problems that may lead to divorce. 

If your relationship is experiencing stress right now, we will discuss the many ways that  couples therapy can help you. You will get a sense of the structure and tools that I use to help couples safely address difficult issues even in our first session. 

During your sessions you will also discover ways for understanding the deeper meaning that is apparent in your differences. When we first get married, we have the sense that “You and I are one.” This feels good for a while, but eventually the thought evolves into, “You and I are one, and I am the one.” The joke is that if both of you believe that you are “the one,” then who is really the one? This reality about marriage is not a joke when the struggle to be “the one” takes you by surprise and absorbs all of your once joyful energy. Important issues about careers, where to live, children, in-laws, sex, God, and money all orbit the central issue of how you respond to the painful reality that your partner is not you. 

My extensive work with couples uses many of the concepts of Imago Relationship Theory, which offers a view of the anatomy of the complex processes of attraction and separation. We all have necessary and useful memories (many are so-called "implicit memories" which are learned without our awareness) about how we experienced love during our development. Unintentionally, these memories cause us to respond to our partner's love in ways that disconnect you. (Sometimes people call this "baggage.") It is possible to check our bags, so to speak, and create a conscious relationship. I can guide you to use some rather predictable tools to do this. Because I have practiced these tools in my own less-than-perfect relationship from the "inside-out," I promise to be a compassionate and gentle guide as you learn--and maybe struggle with learning--how to stretch yourself to receive love fully.

The best time to learn and grow together is now--at the start of your commitment!