Premarital Couples Counseling

Keith Miller provides pre-marriage and engagement counseling for couples at his offices in Washington, DC.

The Washington, DC metropolitan area has one of the nation’s highest rates of divorce and extra-marital affairs. Falling in love is easy, but it takes significant energy, applied correctly, to give your marriage the fuel it needs to last a whole lifetime. (For more on this read the article Divorce: Pay Now or Pay Later.)  

In the golden light at the dawn of our marriage, we usually tell ourselves that we are aiming for a successful, happy, and long-lasting relationship. Without noticing, we can spend so much time aiming for success that we fail to identify the target that we hope to hit! Keith helps engaged or pre-engaged couples think about the trajectory of their relationship, and provides them with time-tested tools for staying on the course toward the marriage of their dreams.

The typical format consists of four sessions that each last an hour and a half, in which couples first learn basic skills of safe communication. This alone can provide a noticeable difference in how you interact together. Then, couples will work together to craft a relationship vision for the marriage. You will be asked to do 1-2 hours of work outside the session, including exercises done individually and together. The time and effort you spend in and out of these sessions will immeasurably benefit your marriage and can help prevent relationship problems that may lead to divorce. 

During your sessions you will also discover ways for understanding the deeper meaning that is apparent in your differences. When we first get married, we have the sense that “You and I are one.” This feels good for a while, but eventually the thought evolves into, “You and I are one, and I am the one.” The joke is that if both of you believe that you are “the one,” then who is really the one? This reality about marriage is not a joke when the struggle to be “the one” takes you by surprise and absorbs all of your once joyful energy. Important issues about careers, where to live, children, in-laws, sex, God, and money all orbit the central issue of how you respond to the painful reality that your partner is not you. 

Keith will introduce you to Imago Relationship Theory, which offers a view of the anatomy of the complex processes of attraction and separation. You will get a glimpse at how our previous experiences of pain in relationships puts a negative charge in our marriage. If necessary, you may continue beyond the introductory four sessions to practice the skills you will need to convert negativity into positive, growth-inducing energy. You will also be provided with resources that can support and nurture your new marriage as you grow together.